Optimize for no regrets

“If you work hard enough you can do anything.” – Lady Gaga

When I was growing up, my mom took me to a lot of self-help seminars. It was the glory days of self-help with guys like Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, and Eckhart Tolle making names for themselves.

I have mixed feelings about them. I definitely benefited (learning how to set goals, be persistent, the value of hard work) but some of that feel-good cheerleading put me on the wrong path. In particular, this mantra of “If you set your mind to it you can achieve it” because what it leaves out is a self-awareness of what you’re good at. There are things you’ll never be able to achieve no matter how hard you try – you simply can’t be good at everything – and belief in that mantra creates delusion and sets up for disappointment.

Lady Gaga recently said on Jimmy Kimmel’s show: “If you work hard enough you can do anything.” She was talking about winning an Oscar for "A Star is Born.” No doubt she worked her face off, and to her, she achieved the impossible compared to where she started. I believe she’s being genuine. But what her advice leaves out is that she worked hard with her talent. Not anyone can be a famous singer or actress, no matter how hard they work.

What she should have said is “If you work hard and do your genuine best, then no matter what happens, you’ll be happy.” There’s a million things out of your control that can keep you from reaching your goals, but the only thing that you can control is how hard you try. And what we don’t reinforce in culture is that achieving isn't the important part, it's the trying.

As an example, right now I can only put in 2-3 hours per weekday and ten hours on the weekends towards my app. Technically I could do more (an extra hour in the morning, one less hour of sleep, etc.) but it would cost me my health and relationships, which I’m not willing to sacrifice. So this is all I can do right now. I'm well aware that it may not be enough but it's all I’ve got. So whatever happens, even if I fail, I'll have no regrets. Because putting everything you have towards something genuinely meaningful is how to find happiness. The outcome actually doesn’t matter at all.